If that was your dad, he is hot
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
