I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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