also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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