margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
