mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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