Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
