I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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