Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
