The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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