So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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