Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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