My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
