There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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