Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
