if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
