Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize