You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
