I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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