I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
