I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
