mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
