ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
