are you still at the devil's house?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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