i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I supernannyed him into submission
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
