Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize