I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
