peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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