i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
