Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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