sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
