You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
