people are starting to question the shark bite story
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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