Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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