My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If that was your dad, he is hot
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
