You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
