You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
