so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
