dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
