nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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