She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What a dumb baby whore.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
