I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
