so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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