I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
