You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Watching her eat just hurts me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
