i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize