ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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