Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
