when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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