chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
