We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
