I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He shit in the fireplace
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
