i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
love makes seman taste better
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
