I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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