please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
