I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize