So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I want a musical about memes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
