woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize