I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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