I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
