Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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