i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I will be naked everywhere
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
