No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
