Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
