I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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