I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
