Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
