Welp...herpes.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
