What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
