I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
