Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
